Category Archives: Musings and Madness

I can’t guarantee this isn’t NSFW (depends on the workplace)
Sarcastic, SATIRE, or in anyway shape or form going to please all. If you’re offended easily, this isn’t your category.
If you are willing to have an open mind or maybe even laugh,
I have a whacked sense of humor.
Just remember, no judging
I warned ya :)

Getting Lost and Directions

Cosmic soap bubbles (God takes a bath) (612350664)
By woodleywonderworks (cosmic soap bubbles (God takes a bath)) [CC BY 2.0 (], via Wikimedia Commons

Getting Lost and Directions

When ¬†I started this blog, I had all sorts of ideas. Poetry was not one of them ūüôā

Yet, here I am. What happened at first was exciting and overwhelming. I did not anticipate my jumbled, often contradictory feelings, thrown into fragments, could even be considered poetry or prose. I most definitely did not expect to reach people, touch people,  help people. I simply was not prepared. I felt too vulnerable, and insecure.

I began to hold back my feelings. I was insecure about my negative/dark thoughts and writing.  I felt responsible, self-conscious and placed unnecessary expectations on myself.

I read information about marketing, tried to master the ever-changing SEO dance, joined the ‘look-at-me’ brigade…it sucked. It ruined the whole process, my entire mission.

I decided to take a step back. I took a break and focused on starting a dream of mine, a home  delivery cooking business. I also began to focus more on QEDomains, another business I would like to see get off the ground.

Then Life decided to throw a fit, akin to a 2 year old’s temper-tantrum. Health issues, family drama and financial issues ensued. I was in the middle of home-schooling, trying to find work and ran out of money for anything on the extra list.

Then I was missed?! I was blown away by the feedback. It just took awhile to sink in. I was not feeling very worthy, was experiencing too much loss and grief to feel like I could help or contribute to anyone. Most of the feedback I’ve experienced has been on Twitter. It is a wild place. One, where surprisingly, which I have found compassion, empathy and connection. Touching people with my words has been humbling.

Thankfully, as all things seem to do, the storm calmed. Positive forward motion was now possible. My Muse began to sing again.

Knowing I can help is what has encouraged me to continue to post my poems and basically my journal. Hearing from you is what will enable my site to flourish. Connecting with other like-minded souls is the best part

Moving forward, what I hope to¬†accomplish is putting my thoughts, poems, photos, recipes, drawings, paintings and other creations out there with no regard to appeal or popularity. If the world likes it, fantastic!¬†If not, well that’s fantastic too. Self-reliance is my goal. Basing our worth on others needs, wants, judgments or expectations/rules is a recipe for disaster. No one ever benefits.

And on this journey, when I falter, or need a pep talk, or have to vent and rant, my pen will once again hit the paper. I’ll write freely like I used to. I’ll let my jumbled emotions flow. I’ll let go of worrying about what people think. I’m letting go of ridicule, systems, formulas and agendas. ¬†I look forward to what has yet to unfold.

If you made it this far, wow, YOU ROCK! I thank you for you time and attention. It means a lot to me

Segue….Please read!

This is a bit of an unusual post for me, but one I find compelled to write. I have Asthma. Each and every year, during the holidays, I am constantly dodging clean air. Here’s why ~ Fragrance & crowds


During the holidays, we tend to find ourselves in crowds more and more for a variety of reasons. School events, Christmas parties, shopping, holiday concerts and shows and the grocery store is PACKED all the time. We also tend to use more fragrances when we are dressing up. Think about it, who douses themselves with cologne when hanging around the house on a Sunday?


So, as a favor to all the asthmatics out there, I am requesting you are mindful when dressing up and going out. DO NOT load up your wrists, as it gets all over the handles of doors, carts and armrests. I’ve left many of school concerts, basketball games of my sons and half-full carts of groceries simply because I could not breathe. Elevators create anxiety, because I never know if I will be stuck with a fragrance that will choke me.


I am not suggesting you stop all together. I worked in the Beauty Industry for 25+ years until I became allergic to almost everything. ¬†I understand the need and desire to smell good! Remember, your body wash, your styling products, your cologne or perfume all ¬†are competing with each other! Pick one thing to make your self smell good. Place it on your skin, on an area that will not rub off. Our natural body oils absorb the chemicals better than our clothing. Another thing to keep in mind, we can smell it more than you can. Over-use accomplishes nothing but letting someone know you’re coming from a mile away.


Something else to consider, is an asthmatics develop a keen sense of smell. Nature’s natural warning system. A crowded room is equal to 10 genres of music all playing at once! It’s overwhelming to your brain. I call it Olfactory Overload! Also, some asthma attacks can truly set you back days, even weeks. Losing oxygen begins to affect the body quickly. You feel weak and your muscles are sore. You will have relapses to things you can normally deal with. Kinda like after-shocks. It is extremely frustrating, especially during a time of year where you want to partake in the events and festivities, yet decline.


If you would, next time you are getting dressed, be mindful. Asthma is a serious condition. It is getting harder and harder to breathe as our addiction to chemical fragrance is everywhere. Asthmatics can ¬†learn to avoid certain stores and businesses, but it’s almost impossible to judge when you have to skip holiday concerts, sporting events and parties. Luck of the draw, really.


Thank you, if you read to the end. Thank you if you will consider changing the way you wear fragrance and passing this along to others. It will mean a lot to any asthma sufferer out there!

Sad, Mad, Glad

2012-09-15 17.10.07

Why do people want to see
People stuck in misery
Why do they want to hurt
you after they’ve drug you
Through the dirt

Why would anyone cling to
anger and hate
Be a bully, be mean, be irate

Threaten a roof over someone’s head
Time and again for no reason
When you have a place of your own now
Is it simply just the season?

Why, when there are children who care
And want to feel safe in their home
Who just want peace and happiness
Who cared for you like their own?

Do you get a rise out of fear and pain

Do the threats make you feel bigger

Can you not refrain

From stomping your feet

every time you don’t get your way

Undermine forward movement
Unless it’s your own
To relish being an ass
Instead of the man I’d known

All because you can’t handle your own pain

Your own demons,your own guilt your own suffering

Do you feel bigger now

knowing you sent us running

Just know, no matter what you throw my way

I will always land on my feet

My spirit will never be broken

I will always live in love and peace

For I know what’s right and

I know what’s in my heart

I know what good people deserve

And I know bad people

need help even more

I pity your soul

And the day

you meet your maker

Part Two | Goals

If you missed Part One


I like goals, and  wishes too.

Prayers, faith, hope mean a lot to me as well

Where a Dreamer sees one moment, in the future, I see

steps along a path, many steps!

And I am trying to discern which way to go.

Then out comes that fun word


Ha! I think I figured it out..sorta ūüėČ

The worry, indecision and stress Ignites when that focus

slips away and yet the focus is not in the moment!

It’s not in the¬†NOW at all. It is way, way ahead in the future, and the plan, or path is based on your Goals + Past experience.

We receive our motivation from our past failures.

We set forth on a¬†new path into the future of change and….


Where did NOW go? What happened to the FLOW? is Copyright © 2014. is Copyright © 2014.

Where is the part where the decisions fly quickly and positive energy sparks, the timing feels right and obstacles melt away?


(Rewind to a month ago)

In 12 days time, I managed to dismantle so much, just by losing sight of my goals. Yup, that fast.

I’d quit caffeine, bad sugar and sweets. I’d cut back on smoking and my medications that I felt had begun to do more harm than good. I was exercising, eating well, sleeping well. I was able to find balance! Mixing in nature, lots of sunshine and music, life¬†finally seemed to have a rhythm to it all. Things were finally moving forward,¬†FLOWING AGAIN.

The true essence of now in my mind had finally set in

Until one fateful night, where I made a careless choice.

Spiraling down, so fast I couldn’t hardly keep up!

Holy cow man.. there went three doctors appointments, a job interview and all our weekly activities. I had a flat tire, my patience ran thin with the kids, my business was suffering neglect, the pets were not getting the attention they deserved. The weather changed and all the warm clothes were piled up in the laundry room. The yard became a jungle, the house was a mess. I accidentally ( and on a few occasions on purpose) broke all kinds of stuff because I was hasty or mad or neglectful or whimsical…..

Boils down to this~ life can be nothing but a big house of cards, tumbling away into oblivion at this point.


That one simple moment, the loss of a goal, can¬†trickle so far and wide.¬†That is the other AH HA moment….

When to quit, when to intelligibly move in another direction or when to drive straight ahead.

Timing disappears, stress reigns and conflicts are everywhere =  Negativity

Being able to see your path along the way to a destination. The clarity of it all, setting forth toward your¬†goal¬†– that’s when it flips – the past falls away

~The future holds no worries~

And the self feels the present and truly knows  the way to flow.

It is only then I can breathe easy, even if things on the outside look bleak. That is the moment I precisely know things will fall into place.

What I struggle to do is explain this to other people in my life. I’m not mean or uncaring or insensitive or even without emotion, it’s just that these feelings aren’t what I mean when¬†my gut feels the FLOW


You do not go on a road trip with out some sort of destination in mind. Or into the ocean, or the sky…why would our lives be any different?

Why would someone hinder my positive forward motion,  passing it off as maybe love (possessions) seemingly apparent to fill a void (not foster growth)? When this type of behavior is expected of me (ridiculous displays of devotion)

I shut down

To many people, due to my wide array of interests and ideas, I usually seem unfocused and all over the place. It is because those who judge and criticize can not wrap their head around the goals and dreams I am working hard to achieve.

My biggest challenge, I have now discovered, is not in reaching those goals. It is learning to stay focused and unwavering while fending off the put-downs. It is learning to¬†fend off with out pissing off. I get so frustrated when I’m misunderstood. I can only explain so much, I can only¬†adapt so much, before I utterly


I feel like a feral cat someone is trying to put in a cage, being lured by warmth, comfort and that fancy stuff out of a can on a pedastle plate ¬†( don’t you just love manipulation at the expense of others selfish wants?)

I cannot help


So please, If you have an agenda, undoubtedly I will react

And it wont be pretty


Do you know where I can locate a “Karmic Timing” Reset Button?

Everything is a little off.

Reset desired!

This is how I feel, except my fear is drowning ūüôĀ

“I think about my fear of motion which i never could explain some other fool across the ocean years ago must have crashed his little airplane how long till my soul gets it right can any human being ever reach that kind of light i call on the resting soul of galileo king of night vision king of insight”

Indigo Girls- excerpt from Galileo- on AZ Lyrics

You know where to locate that button, you let me know!

Until then I’m off hunting on my own

NM 10-01-14

Desperation, great advice and a solution

I was stressed, couldn’t even read, or type. Too tired to process anything else, I passed out EARLY, before kids, and slept a whole¬†9 hours

So I wake up to an intact, quiet house (dreaming?) and begin my day. It seemed innocent at first, a few bumps here and there, nothing major, &¬†escaped to a local park to learn about our watershed issues. It was sponsored by the DEP and there were so many cool animals from the¬†college’s herpetology lab¬†among other displays.

A local water crisis really opened our eyes and hopefully most have not forgotten those many days with out water. Our valley faces many chemical and other environmental issues daily. So pretty, yet so toxic. Crazy

Most fish can not be eaten, or only MONTHLY, yup once a month AT MOST because of, get this, NOT ALL THE RUNOFF AND SPILLS


yup, acid rain. nice. im in lowercase because i feel so small. where to start, what can we do to recoup?

The kids learned about the water cycle and lots of other cool things. Hopefully these types of shows help the next generation make better decisions. Get this, even fruit, thrown out a car window, creates a ripple effect of road kill. the little critters bring out the big ones and next thing you know, SPLAT. I’ve never thought that apple core was harmful.

Original content on is Copyright © 2014. All rights reserved worldwide.      Original content on is Copyright © 2014. All rights reserved worldwide.      2014-09-27_14-04-47_903

Original content on is Copyright ¬© 2014. All rights reserved worldwide.Oh, and we supported the local library ūüôā They are really having a hard time just keeping the utilities up and the technology running. Sad ūüôĀ Hope the Levy passes.

Now, I home-school my son and today would have been a fun way to give him credit, BUT, he didn’t see it that way, go figure. Said it was Saturday and he didn’t want to do school.

Enter Homeland DRAMA.

The encyclopedia (yes I have those still) proved less fun while still educational ūüôā He forgets that on a Tuesday we goof off while everyone else is at school and work. Oh, and no android, no youtube, no xbox. and yes, that means NO AUDIO BOOK (he’s 8, reads at a 7th gr level)! ¬†Read a real book. WE have hundreds! He hates me, he screams, I’m the worst mom EVER, yadayadayada.. I’m laughing by now, done yelling. “Whatever” is my new answer, oh & just get it done…

It’d frankly ridiculous what they feel is torture these days. Dub a tape off the radio lol or wait for Mtv to play a video & try to tape it on a VCR. Anyway,

..Teenage child lost her phone privilege & mad, did not attend show. She got to stay home and clean ūüôā I know, I’m mean. Life is mean too.

I need to know they will have common sense and accountability,be resilient and handle failure as a challenge,  be responsible and contribute to society as adults. The rest is up to them.

Until then, welcome to my kingdom.

I was about to lose it. No one would let me get anything done. The internet was slow and losing connectivity (on a Saturday? no, not the we don’t throttle cable company) & both kids were doing homework so I couldn’t reset the router right then..I hop over to cell service and I get an email from my uncle

“So no doors, huh? I don’t have to tell you this, but it will be very challenging to succeed in business if you cannot get some bursts of focused, private time. Especially in a creative business like blogging, marketing and sales. Maybe you could put up a blanket fort with clothespins like we used to do when we were kids. ;-)”


Original content on is Copyright © 2014. All rights reserved worldwide.       Original content on is Copyright © 2014. All rights reserved worldwide.

Oh, and my official work mug, courtesy of teenage daughter’s beach trip

Original content on is Copyright © 2014. All rights reserved worldwide.

The kids still have radar, but at least I feel like I have a work space.

Next, is the glass roof bathroom & sunk-in bathtub ( calgon take me away…..) for star-gazing. I’ve got a great view of the southern sky. Someday…

The leaves are changing already

I’ve been trying to decide what to post and wanted to put up some drawings…

Until I looked outside. It’s going to be beautiful today, and I’m still plugging away at work. Timing..grrrr

The leaves have begun to change. Don’t get me wrong, it’s pretty and all. I just am not ready.

This summer went waaayyyy too fast.

So in an effort to preserve the warmth and last bit of summery feel I can

I decided to post pictures of my rock garden

and my first ever rose bush ūüôā

Enjoy your Friday

Ode to Life, Art, The Blogsphere and the Twitterverse

Trying to think where to begin. I’ve been super busy, wearing hats of all kinds. Some fit, others are too small, too big, or just can’t stay on. Trying to accomplish too many things at once, fulfilling roles and obligations, working, creating, learning, enjoying, or not lol…our daily grind.

No matter who we are, we all have one. The question in my mind is where do we draw a line? Everyone has a different set of circumstances that require or anti-require our definitive lines=boxes


shapes mworksheet 2

Some are small, medium or large, square or rectangle or even sometimes you get a circle or oval (bubbles ūüėČ If I’ve lost you, sorry. I understand. If not, I apologize, because you understand!

Fast forward to today. I am blown away by the world on Twitter. So many interesting, funny, kind, positive and inspiring souls. Who’d-a-thought. But then again, why not? ¬†On some level, we all connect.¬†This is just another platform, another way to exchange thoughts and ideas. Yes, we’re promoting many things at times, mainly ourselves. But we’re giving back as well. It’s quite a phenomenon if you stop to notice, really look around.¬†I look at each person, the pictures, the websites and blogs. It’s fantastic! You couldn’t learn this in a class. It is as diverse as you want and as enriching as you choose. My entertainment is gleaned from learning, but more hands on. The internet enables us to connect in a way that evokes a personable feel to what you say and do, if you take the time. And that can be difficult…

Best chocolate cake ever

I’ve grown to over 100 new followers in just a week. I’m so humbled and shocked. And yet I am bursting with MORE to do! Artists, writers, musicians, actors, (labels…hold on to that thought ūüôā We need each other. We consume more than we put out, I’m sure. We create through inspiration and through inspiration we are rising higher and higher. It’s not liner for me, as I assume is the same for almost all of us. So we also find/look for/seek/embrace/take up something to cling to. Religion, Causes, People, Careers, Parenthood, or we wander in search of our cause, not quite sure where to be…

And that brings me back to that thought,


Image courtesy of kanate at


I look at how we have a limited amount of words to describe/define ourselves and manage to still get a point across. New sign of our times

But surely we are more than participants, enthusiasts, connoisseurs, experts, lovers of, haters of, passionate about and fans of, more than THAT, aren’t we?¬†

I sure hope so. I can’t stay in a box. I try, I do it to myself, I just blow it. ¬†{I have 4 twitters already:-} And If I have to choose, I’ll decline what some see as “opportunity” or “worthy” or “important” or “meaningful” because it doesn’t flow. I can’t explain, other than it’s the Boulders. That is where I fall short and don’t play well with others. It’s my nemesis.

Go with the flow ~ yeah but who’s flow?! Oh, this is where I sink! I got a small boat with one oar in a stormy sea most days. And my flow doesn’t gel well with most. How ironic is this, seen yesterday @bairesven¬†on his Facebook

I struggle with filling out these online profiles for twitter, facebook, tumblr, linkedin…..and the rest, as much as I do, in life. I am content and intrigued, so much so, I need too much time alone. My processor, battery, virtual memory, RAM (labels) all freeze. I’m that phone you still have that can’t upgrade its iOS, even though it still works! What can you do, but flow?

How is my dilemma. How without failing to fit in between the lines?

What ones are essential and what ones are erasable? And who decides?

You, Your Government, Your Community,

Your Employer,Your Education, Your Up Bringing/Family?

Each of us make that choice so often, without thinking. We have “profiles” on our shoppers cards to save a few bucks, our pharmacies and doctors and schools and ANYTHING attached to one of those little cards on your key ring. Yeah, you know. WE ALL HAVE SOME¬†I do not want to advertise but i know there is a pet store, hardware store, grocery store, shopper’s club, gas card, something on there ūüėÄ

That is simply a small part of our daily lives. I desperately try to cling to and gather the rest.

If I ever could afford her, I want Alice from the Brady Bunch to come and live with me. It would be worth it’s weight in gold. Free up my time and I’ve paid my dues in chores ha ha..jeesh

And for every “Alice” out there, may you be sincerely appreciated for your efforts. What a tough job. We all have tough jobs in one way or another. We struggle with all different stressors, as unique as ourselves. Maybe, just maybe the internet can flip, connect us all in a deeper, stronger way. Listen, I grew up with pen-pals. No internet, just bulletin boards and cool movies like Star Wars and The Jerk. SNL ruled and so did Letterman. Mtv was beginning, it was tons of fun. But now we can choose to be distant, close, or in between. People across oceans are instantly friends. Neighbors rarely talk. Email/voice mail reign. We text our kids….

It’s wild, that’s for sure. It keeps getting more and more so. We’re going to Mars, space elevators are coming, we can go soon ( to space ) We can even make food in 3D printers !

Hope you remember to color outside of the lines, at least once in awhile. Or, if you’re like me, try to stay inside the lines for once

NM 09-25-14





The Bounce Back

Oh, what a crazy week. I don’t know if this qualifies as a poem, or what you call it. Maybe an observation, maybe just a mindless rant. Many of the things I write come when they choose. I write the date if at all possible, so I can reflect on the specific time frame. I am not posting in a linear fashion, so take it all with a grain of salt.

I often ignore myself, change my tune, feel frazzled and wish to be more than who I am. Others see a completely different person. I am just me, take me leave me, but know I cant function if I am not me. And most of all, I have a tough enough time understanding life and myself, so if you need an explanation, you wouldn’t understand anyway …

The Bounce Back

Perspectives vs Truth, Hate vs Love, Anger vs Calm, Spite vs Kindness, Revenge or forgiveness? We ALL FAIL EVERY DAY

REJOICE and do not fret

Yet, some of us TRULY fail-  fail to learn and grow and accept life

to see rather than to blind

to empathasise and see compassion, to temper the anger frustration and hurt, to understand and uplift and to give

Rather than to take

All negativity hurts and

creates pain and

through that pain

YOU choose to make YOU strong or weak

Some say “meditate”

“just be happy and in the light”

“always have a good attitude”

Others mix in religion, and so on….

Great Asperations, Truly they are.



no one, I mean NO ONE, would have a baseline.

We, unfortunately, are not programmed

to be happy ALL THE TIME!

And I feel if I shun REAL emotion, I shun LIFE


through connecting with people and LIVING


I’m tired of accommodating, tired of trying to change

to please others because


and if you don’t, no problem



Maybe I fail, maybe I examine my choices, my perspective

If I’ve caused TRUE HARM, I’ll try to fix it

If I experience harm, I’ll HEAL

and if someone is trying to

throw hate, pain or sorrow my way

I’ll do my best to soothe it, walk in their shoes.

As I try not to run away, because I’d rather be alone when it is

CRAZY and then i feel CRAZY and need QUIET, need to decompress


But, you wouldn’t tell a person having an asthma attack-to breathe

A heart attack- be positive,  calm down

A rise or fall in blood sugar- Ride it out

A stroke- ignore your symptoms


So why, when it comes to OUR BRAINS, OUR CNS which controls


Should we dismiss emotional pain or flaws?

Same human, same body, a malfunction with an organ

Makes NO sense to me

I do my best to help others, show generosity, sacrifice, hope, love, faith, forgiveness, support, tears, empathy and because I do I AM NOT WEAK

Yet, so many embrace harshness, bullies and assholes

and call that (false ego)


makes no sense to me

and then I notice I become like them to survive

and I unravel….

as I feel so often, I DO NOT BELONG HERE

because it all feels backwards.

I don’t know what to do so I’m dishing¬†¬†a major rant,

on a day the haters are on a mission

train wrecks are everywhere, dodging boulders to no end…

NM 09-16-14

Boulders, Shoulders

Tiny specks of sand

one or two, we barely feel

Blasting us at 60mph..oh man…:(

run with zeal!!!!

Take shelter from the storm

protect your eyes, ears and nose

succumb to fear

when is my new day near?

And then the storm subsides

you feel the sun on your skin

The scream of the wind

is gone


the air is clear!

A new day is here!!!!


Oh no, more clouds

Why? oh Lord, why now?

Your universe is chucking


at me, thinking I’ve got

linebacker shoulders

So worn and beat down

How is it, that I’ve not drowned??????

Save me save me SAVE ME SAVE ME



I’m down on my knees

begging for you

to rescue me

and I sink

become so still

no sounds,  none at all

just darkness



Oh there it is!


a tiny string

I can barely reach

feels like 1lb test

couldn’t help even a flea!


and then i hear

I hear myself SCREAM

from deep down inside








I will grab that tiny string


Quitting is forbidden


Pain and sorrow

friends, no longer foes

I’m smarter and stronger

than ever before

boot camp and college

wrapped up in courage

and change

taking me places…..

Oh wow, I’ll never be the same ūüôā

Because the darkness


When I chose to Fight

and that glimpse

that glimpse of light

I knew I had to


to cling to


To shower others with LOVE

and kindness, and forget

my worries

as I try to soothe and calm their pain

trying to hold on

living life through


while I continue to rise above

The boulders, maybe now

I’ve got those linebacker shoulders

On the way….

NM 09-15-14