Trying to think where to begin. I’ve been super busy, wearing hats of all kinds. Some fit, others are too small, too big, or just can’t stay on. Trying to accomplish too many things at once, fulfilling roles and obligations, working, creating, learning, enjoying, or not lol…our daily grind.

No matter who we are, we all have one. The question in my mind is where do we draw a line? Everyone has a different set of circumstances that require or anti-require our definitive lines=boxes

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Some are small, medium or large, square or rectangle or even sometimes you get a circle or oval (bubbles 😉 If I’ve lost you, sorry. I understand. If not, I apologize, because you understand!

Fast forward to today. I am blown away by the world on Twitter. So many interesting, funny, kind, positive and inspiring souls. Who’d-a-thought. But then again, why not?  On some level, we all connect. This is just another platform, another way to exchange thoughts and ideas. Yes, we’re promoting many things at times, mainly ourselves. But we’re giving back as well. It’s quite a phenomenon if you stop to notice, really look around. I look at each person, the pictures, the websites and blogs. It’s fantastic! You couldn’t learn this in a class. It is as diverse as you want and as enriching as you choose. My entertainment is gleaned from learning, but more hands on. The internet enables us to connect in a way that evokes a personable feel to what you say and do, if you take the time. And that can be difficult…

I’ve grown to over 100 new followers in just a week. I’m so humbled and shocked. And yet I am bursting with MORE to do! Artists, writers, musicians, actors, (labels…hold on to that thought 🙂 We need each other. We consume more than we put out, I’m sure. We create through inspiration and through inspiration we are rising higher and higher. It’s not liner for me, as I assume is the same for almost all of us. So we also find/look for/seek/embrace/take up something to cling to. Religion, Causes, People, Careers, Parenthood, or we wander in search of our cause, not quite sure where to be…

And that brings me back to that thought,

OUR LABELS      

         

                 

I look at how we have a limited amount of words to describe/define ourselves and manage to still get a point across. New sign of our times

But surely we are more than participants, enthusiasts, connoisseurs, experts, lovers of, haters of, passionate about and fans of, more than THAT, aren’t we? 

I sure hope so. I can’t stay in a box. I try, I do it to myself, I just blow it.  {I have 4 twitters already:-} And If I have to choose, I’ll decline what some see as “opportunity” or “worthy” or “important” or “meaningful” because it doesn’t flow. I can’t explain, other than it’s the Boulders. That is where I fall short and don’t play well with others. It’s my nemesis.

Go with the flow ~ yeah but who’s flow?! Oh, this is where I sink! I got a small boat with one oar in a stormy sea most days. And my flow doesn’t gel well with most. How ironic is this, seen yesterday @bairesven on his Facebook

I struggle with filling out these online profiles for twitter, facebook, tumblr, linkedin…..and the rest, as much as I do, in life. I am content and intrigued, so much so, I need too much time alone. My processor, battery, virtual memory, RAM (labels) all freeze. I’m that phone you still have that can’t upgrade its iOS, even though it still works! What can you do, but flow?

How is my dilemma. How without failing to fit in between the lines?

What ones are essential and what ones are erasable? And who decides?

You, Your Government, Your Community,

Your Employer,Your Education, Your Up Bringing/Family?

Each of us make that choice so often, without thinking. We have “profiles” on our shoppers cards to save a few bucks, our pharmacies and doctors and schools and ANYTHING attached to one of those little cards on your key ring. Yeah, you know. WE ALL HAVE SOME I do not want to advertise but i know there is a pet store, hardware store, grocery store, shopper’s club, gas card, something on there 😀

That is simply a small part of our daily lives. I desperately try to cling to and gather the rest.

If I ever could afford her, I want Alice from the Brady Bunch to come and live with me. It would be worth it’s weight in gold. Free up my time and I’ve paid my dues in chores ha ha..jeesh

And for every “Alice” out there, may you be sincerely appreciated for your efforts. What a tough job. We all have tough jobs in one way or another. We struggle with all different stressors, as unique as ourselves. Maybe, just maybe the internet can flip, connect us all in a deeper, stronger way. Listen, I grew up with pen-pals. No internet, just bulletin boards and cool movies like Star Wars and The Jerk. SNL ruled and so did Letterman. Mtv was beginning, it was tons of fun. But now we can choose to be distant, close, or in between. People across oceans are instantly friends. Neighbors rarely talk. Email/voice mail reign. We text our kids….

It’s wild, that’s for sure. It keeps getting more and more so. We’re going to Mars, space elevators are coming, we can go soon ( to space ) We can even make food in 3D printers !

Hope you remember to color outside of the lines, at least once in awhile. Or, if you’re like me, try to stay inside the lines for once

NM 09-25-14

 

 

 

 

Oh, what a crazy week. I don’t know if this qualifies as a poem, or what you call it. Maybe an observation, maybe just a mindless rant. Many of the things I write come when they choose. I write the date if at all possible, so I can reflect on the specific time frame. I am not posting in a linear fashion, so take it all with a grain of salt.

I often ignore myself, change my tune, feel frazzled and wish to be more than who I am. Others see a completely different person. I am just me, take me leave me, but know I cant function if I am not me. And most of all, I have a tough enough time understanding life and myself, so if you need an explanation, you wouldn’t understand anyway …

The Bounce Back

Perspectives vs Truth, Hate vs Love, Anger vs Calm, Spite vs Kindness, Revenge or forgiveness? We ALL FAIL EVERY DAY

REJOICE and do not fret

Yet, some of us TRULY fail-  fail to learn and grow and accept life

to see rather than to blind

to empathasise and see compassion, to temper the anger frustration and hurt, to understand and uplift and to give

Rather than to take

All negativity hurts and

creates pain and

through that pain

YOU choose to make YOU strong or weak

Some say “meditate”

“just be happy and in the light”

“always have a good attitude”

Others mix in religion, and so on….

Great Asperations, Truly they are.

Yet

if EVERY DAY was the BEST DAY EVER

no one, I mean NO ONE, would have a baseline.

We, unfortunately, are not programmed

to be happy ALL THE TIME!

And I feel if I shun REAL emotion, I shun LIFE

REAL LIFE, TRUE NOURISHMENT I feel arises

through connecting with people and LIVING

BUT

I’m tired of accommodating, tired of trying to change

to please others because

I LIKE ME

and if you don’t, no problem

JUST DON”T EXPECT ME

TO BE DIFFERENT

Maybe I fail, maybe I examine my choices, my perspective

If I’ve caused TRUE HARM, I’ll try to fix it

If I experience harm, I’ll HEAL

and if someone is trying to

throw hate, pain or sorrow my way

I’ll do my best to soothe it, walk in their shoes.

As I try not to run away, because I’d rather be alone when it is

CRAZY and then i feel CRAZY and need QUIET, need to decompress

AND NO ONE GETS THIS

But, you wouldn’t tell a person having an asthma attack-to breathe

A heart attack- be positive,  calm down

A rise or fall in blood sugar- Ride it out

A stroke- ignore your symptoms

A massive cut- FOCUS ON NOT BLEEDING

So why, when it comes to OUR BRAINS, OUR CNS which controls

EVERYTHING

Should we dismiss emotional pain or flaws?

Same human, same body, a malfunction with an organ

Makes NO sense to me

I do my best to help others, show generosity, sacrifice, hope, love, faith, forgiveness, support, tears, empathy and because I do I AM NOT WEAK

Yet, so many embrace harshness, bullies and assholes

and call that (false ego)

STRENGTH

makes no sense to me

and then I notice I become like them to survive

and I unravel….

as I feel so often, I DO NOT BELONG HERE

because it all feels backwards.

I don’t know what to do so I’m dishing  a major rant,

on a day the haters are on a mission

train wrecks are everywhere, dodging boulders to no end…

NM 09-16-14

Tiny specks of sand

one or two, we barely feel

Blasting us at 60mph..oh man…:(

run with zeal!!!!

Take shelter from the storm

protect your eyes, ears and nose

succumb to fear

when is my new day near?

And then the storm subsides

you feel the sun on your skin

The scream of the wind

is gone

Silence…..

the air is clear!

A new day is here!!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Oh no, more clouds

Why? oh Lord, why now?

Your universe is chucking

Boulders

at me, thinking I’ve got

linebacker shoulders

So worn and beat down

How is it, that I’ve not drowned??????

Save me save me SAVE ME SAVE ME

CAN’T YOU HEAR ME SCREAM?

PLEASE Please

I’m down on my knees

begging for you

to rescue me

and I sink

become so still

no sounds,  none at all

just darkness

and

FAITH

Oh there it is!

Hallelujah!

a tiny string

I can barely reach

feels like 1lb test

couldn’t help even a flea!

Really?

and then i hear

I hear myself SCREAM

from deep down inside

NO

NO

NO

NO

NO

I WILL NOT ACCEPT THIS

PLIGHT

I will grab that tiny string

I WILL FIGHT

Quitting is forbidden

Fear MUST GO

Pain and sorrow

friends, no longer foes

I’m smarter and stronger

than ever before

boot camp and college

wrapped up in courage

and change

taking me places…..

Oh wow, I’ll never be the same 🙂

Because the darkness

CRACKED

When I chose to Fight

and that glimpse

that glimpse of light

I knew I had to

FIGHT

to cling to

UNWAVERING FAITH

To shower others with LOVE

and kindness, and forget

my worries

as I try to soothe and calm their pain

trying to hold on

living life through

LOVE

while I continue to rise above

The boulders, maybe now

I’ve got those linebacker shoulders

On the way….

NM 09-15-14