Oh, what a crazy week. I don’t know if this qualifies as a poem, or what you call it. Maybe an observation, maybe just a mindless rant. Many of the things I write come when they choose. I write the date if at all possible, so I can reflect on the specific time frame. I am not posting in a linear fashion, so take it all with a grain of salt.

I often ignore myself, change my tune, feel frazzled and wish to be more than who I am. Others see a completely different person. I am just me, take me leave me, but know I cant function if I am not me. And most of all, I have a tough enough time understanding life and myself, so if you need an explanation, you wouldn’t understand anyway …

The Bounce Back

Perspectives vs Truth, Hate vs Love, Anger vs Calm, Spite vs Kindness, Revenge or forgiveness? We ALL FAIL EVERY DAY

REJOICE and do not fret

Yet, some of us TRULY fail-  fail to learn and grow and accept life

to see rather than to blind

to empathasise and see compassion, to temper the anger frustration and hurt, to understand and uplift and to give

Rather than to take

All negativity hurts and

creates pain and

through that pain

YOU choose to make YOU strong or weak

Some say “meditate”

“just be happy and in the light”

“always have a good attitude”

Others mix in religion, and so on….

Great Asperations, Truly they are.

Yet

if EVERY DAY was the BEST DAY EVER

no one, I mean NO ONE, would have a baseline.

We, unfortunately, are not programmed

to be happy ALL THE TIME!

And I feel if I shun REAL emotion, I shun LIFE

REAL LIFE, TRUE NOURISHMENT I feel arises

through connecting with people and LIVING

BUT

I’m tired of accommodating, tired of trying to change

to please others because

I LIKE ME

and if you don’t, no problem

JUST DON”T EXPECT ME

TO BE DIFFERENT

Maybe I fail, maybe I examine my choices, my perspective

If I’ve caused TRUE HARM, I’ll try to fix it

If I experience harm, I’ll HEAL

and if someone is trying to

throw hate, pain or sorrow my way

I’ll do my best to soothe it, walk in their shoes.

As I try not to run away, because I’d rather be alone when it is

CRAZY and then i feel CRAZY and need QUIET, need to decompress

AND NO ONE GETS THIS

But, you wouldn’t tell a person having an asthma attack-to breathe

A heart attack- be positive,  calm down

A rise or fall in blood sugar- Ride it out

A stroke- ignore your symptoms

A massive cut- FOCUS ON NOT BLEEDING

So why, when it comes to OUR BRAINS, OUR CNS which controls

EVERYTHING

Should we dismiss emotional pain or flaws?

Same human, same body, a malfunction with an organ

Makes NO sense to me

I do my best to help others, show generosity, sacrifice, hope, love, faith, forgiveness, support, tears, empathy and because I do I AM NOT WEAK

Yet, so many embrace harshness, bullies and assholes

and call that (false ego)

STRENGTH

makes no sense to me

and then I notice I become like them to survive

and I unravel….

as I feel so often, I DO NOT BELONG HERE

because it all feels backwards.

I don’t know what to do so I’m dishing  a major rant,

on a day the haters are on a mission

train wrecks are everywhere, dodging boulders to no end…

NM 09-16-14

Tiny specks of sand

one or two, we barely feel

Blasting us at 60mph..oh man…:(

run with zeal!!!!

Take shelter from the storm

protect your eyes, ears and nose

succumb to fear

when is my new day near?

And then the storm subsides

you feel the sun on your skin

The scream of the wind

is gone

Silence…..

the air is clear!

A new day is here!!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Oh no, more clouds

Why? oh Lord, why now?

Your universe is chucking

Boulders

at me, thinking I’ve got

linebacker shoulders

So worn and beat down

How is it, that I’ve not drowned??????

Save me save me SAVE ME SAVE ME

CAN’T YOU HEAR ME SCREAM?

PLEASE Please

I’m down on my knees

begging for you

to rescue me

and I sink

become so still

no sounds,  none at all

just darkness

and

FAITH

Oh there it is!

Hallelujah!

a tiny string

I can barely reach

feels like 1lb test

couldn’t help even a flea!

Really?

and then i hear

I hear myself SCREAM

from deep down inside

NO

NO

NO

NO

NO

I WILL NOT ACCEPT THIS

PLIGHT

I will grab that tiny string

I WILL FIGHT

Quitting is forbidden

Fear MUST GO

Pain and sorrow

friends, no longer foes

I’m smarter and stronger

than ever before

boot camp and college

wrapped up in courage

and change

taking me places…..

Oh wow, I’ll never be the same 🙂

Because the darkness

CRACKED

When I chose to Fight

and that glimpse

that glimpse of light

I knew I had to

FIGHT

to cling to

UNWAVERING FAITH

To shower others with LOVE

and kindness, and forget

my worries

as I try to soothe and calm their pain

trying to hold on

living life through

LOVE

while I continue to rise above

The boulders, maybe now

I’ve got those linebacker shoulders

On the way….

NM 09-15-14