Getting Lost and Directions

When  I started this blog, I had all sorts of ideas. Poetry was not one of them 🙂

Yet, here I am. What happened at first was exciting and overwhelming. I did not anticipate my jumbled, often contradictory feelings, thrown into fragments, could even be considered poetry or prose. I most definitely did not expect to reach people, touch people,  help people. I simply was not prepared. I felt too vulnerable, and insecure.

I began to hold back my feelings. I was insecure about my negative/dark thoughts and writing.  I felt responsible, self-conscious and placed unnecessary expectations on myself.

I read information about marketing, tried to master the ever-changing SEO dance, joined the ‘look-at-me’ brigade…it sucked. It ruined the whole process, my entire mission.

I decided to take a step back. I took a break and focused on starting a dream of mine, a home  delivery cooking business. I also began to focus more on QEDomains, another business I would like to see get off the ground.

Then Life decided to throw a fit, akin to a 2 year old’s temper-tantrum. Health issues, family drama and financial issues ensued. I was in the middle of home-schooling, trying to find work and ran out of money for anything on the extra list.

Then I was missed?! I was blown away by the feedback. It just took awhile to sink in. I was not feeling very worthy, was experiencing too much loss and grief to feel like I could help or contribute to anyone. Most of the feedback I’ve experienced has been on Twitter. It is a wild place. One, where surprisingly, which I have found compassion, empathy and connection. Touching people with my words has been humbling.

Thankfully, as all things seem to do, the storm calmed. Positive forward motion was now possible. My Muse began to sing again.

Knowing I can help is what has encouraged me to continue to post my poems and basically my journal. Hearing from you is what will enable my site to flourish. Connecting with other like-minded souls is the best part

Moving forward, what I hope to accomplish is putting my thoughts, poems, photos, recipes, drawings, paintings and other creations out there with no regard to appeal or popularity. If the world likes it, fantastic! If not, well that’s fantastic too. Self-reliance is my goal. Basing our worth on others needs, wants, judgments or expectations/rules is a recipe for disaster. No one ever benefits.

And on this journey, when I falter, or need a pep talk, or have to vent and rant, my pen will once again hit the paper. I’ll write freely like I used to. I’ll let my jumbled emotions flow. I’ll let go of worrying about what people think. I’m letting go of ridicule, systems, formulas and agendas.  I look forward to what has yet to unfold.

If you made it this far, wow, YOU ROCK! I thank you for you time and attention. It means a lot to me