Oh, what a crazy week. I don’t know if this qualifies as a poem, or what you call it. Maybe an observation, maybe just a mindless rant. Many of the things I write come when they choose. I write the date if at all possible, so I can reflect on the specific time frame. I am not posting in a linear fashion, so take it all with a grain of salt.

I often ignore myself, change my tune, feel frazzled and wish to be more than who I am. Others see a completely different person. I am just me, take me leave me, but know I cant function if I am not me. And most of all, I have a tough enough time understanding life and myself, so if you need an explanation, you wouldn’t understand anyway …

The Bounce Back

Perspectives vs Truth, Hate vs Love, Anger vs Calm, Spite vs Kindness, Revenge or forgiveness? We ALL FAIL EVERY DAY

REJOICE and do not fret

Yet, some of us TRULY fail-  fail to learn and grow and accept life

to see rather than to blind

to empathasise and see compassion, to temper the anger frustration and hurt, to understand and uplift and to give

Rather than to take

All negativity hurts and

creates pain and

through that pain

YOU choose to make YOU strong or weak

Some say “meditate”

“just be happy and in the light”

“always have a good attitude”

Others mix in religion, and so on….

Great Asperations, Truly they are.

Yet

if EVERY DAY was the BEST DAY EVER

no one, I mean NO ONE, would have a baseline.

We, unfortunately, are not programmed

to be happy ALL THE TIME!

And I feel if I shun REAL emotion, I shun LIFE

REAL LIFE, TRUE NOURISHMENT I feel arises

through connecting with people and LIVING

BUT

I’m tired of accommodating, tired of trying to change

to please others because

I LIKE ME

and if you don’t, no problem

JUST DON”T EXPECT ME

TO BE DIFFERENT

Maybe I fail, maybe I examine my choices, my perspective

If I’ve caused TRUE HARM, I’ll try to fix it

If I experience harm, I’ll HEAL

and if someone is trying to

throw hate, pain or sorrow my way

I’ll do my best to soothe it, walk in their shoes.

As I try not to run away, because I’d rather be alone when it is

CRAZY and then i feel CRAZY and need QUIET, need to decompress

AND NO ONE GETS THIS

But, you wouldn’t tell a person having an asthma attack-to breathe

A heart attack- be positive,  calm down

A rise or fall in blood sugar- Ride it out

A stroke- ignore your symptoms

A massive cut- FOCUS ON NOT BLEEDING

So why, when it comes to OUR BRAINS, OUR CNS which controls

EVERYTHING

Should we dismiss emotional pain or flaws?

Same human, same body, a malfunction with an organ

Makes NO sense to me

I do my best to help others, show generosity, sacrifice, hope, love, faith, forgiveness, support, tears, empathy and because I do I AM NOT WEAK

Yet, so many embrace harshness, bullies and assholes

and call that (false ego)

STRENGTH

makes no sense to me

and then I notice I become like them to survive

and I unravel….

as I feel so often, I DO NOT BELONG HERE

because it all feels backwards.

I don’t know what to do so I’m dishing  a major rant,

on a day the haters are on a mission

train wrecks are everywhere, dodging boulders to no end…

NM 09-16-14