Where a Dreamer sees one moment, in the future, I see
steps along a path, many steps!
And I am trying to discern which way to go.
Then out comes that fun word
Ha! I think I figured it out..sorta 😉
The worry, indecision and stress Ignites when that focus
slips away and yet the focus is not in the moment!
It’s not in the NOW at all. It is way, way ahead in the future, and the plan, or path is based on your Goals + Past experience.
We receive our motivation from our past failures.
We set forth on a new path into the future of change and….
Where did NOW go? What happened to the FLOW?
Where is the part where the decisions fly quickly and positive energy sparks, the timing feels right and obstacles melt away?
It resides IN THAT CLEAR FOCUS
(Rewind to a month ago)
In 12 days time, I managed to dismantle so much, just by losing sight of my goals. Yup, that fast.
I’d quit caffeine, bad sugar and sweets. I’d cut back on smoking and my medications that I felt had begun to do more harm than good. I was exercising, eating well, sleeping well. I was able to find balance! Mixing in nature, lots of sunshine and music, life finally seemed to have a rhythm to it all. Things were finally moving forward, FLOWING AGAIN.
The true essence of now in my mind had finally set in
Until one fateful night, where I made a careless choice.
Spiraling down, so fast I couldn’t hardly keep up!
Holy cow man.. there went three doctors appointments, a job interview and all our weekly activities. I had a flat tire, my patience ran thin with the kids, my business was suffering neglect, the pets were not getting the attention they deserved. The weather changed and all the warm clothes were piled up in the laundry room. The yard became a jungle, the house was a mess. I accidentally ( and on a few occasions on purpose) broke all kinds of stuff because I was hasty or mad or neglectful or whimsical…..
Boils down to this~ life can be nothing but a big house of cards, tumbling away into oblivion at this point.
That one simple moment, the loss of a goal, can trickle so far and wide. That is the other AH HA moment….
When to quit, when to intelligibly move in another direction or when to drive straight ahead.
Timing disappears, stress reigns and conflicts are everywhere = Negativity
Being able to see your path along the way to a destination. The clarity of it all, setting forth toward your goal – that’s when it flips – the past falls away
~The future holds no worries~
And the self feels the present and truly knows the way to flow.
It is only then I can breathe easy, even if things on the outside look bleak. That is the moment I precisely know things will fall into place.
What I struggle to do is explain this to other people in my life. I’m not mean or uncaring or insensitive or even without emotion, it’s just that these feelings aren’t what I mean when my gut feels the FLOW
EGO=EMOTIONS=LOSS OF YOUR GOAL=NEGATION OF FLOW
You do not go on a road trip with out some sort of destination in mind. Or into the ocean, or the sky…why would our lives be any different?
Why would someone hinder my positive forward motion, passing it off as maybe love (possessions) seemingly apparent to fill a void (not foster growth)? When this type of behavior is expected of me (ridiculous displays of devotion)
I shut down
To many people, due to my wide array of interests and ideas, I usually seem unfocused and all over the place. It is because those who judge and criticize can not wrap their head around the goals and dreams I am working hard to achieve.
My biggest challenge, I have now discovered, is not in reaching those goals. It is learning to stay focused and unwavering while fending off the put-downs. It is learning to fend off with out pissing off. I get so frustrated when I’m misunderstood. I can only explain so much, I can only adapt so much, before I utterly
I feel like a feral cat someone is trying to put in a cage, being lured by warmth, comfort and that fancy stuff out of a can on a pedastle plate ( don’t you just love manipulation at the expense of others selfish wants?)
I cannot help
THE WAY I MUST FLOW
So please, If you have an agenda, undoubtedly I will react
Pieces of me scattered everywhere
Please don’t misunderstand – I LEFT THEM THERE!!
Everything spread far and wide
I overwhelm myself, quite well sometimes
Unwitting, yet by choice
So much so I find myself Lost …... I want to run and hide!
Just for a moment, can’t I pop inside?
Let the storm die down
Recharge the batteries
Upgrade the program?
Come on, Something?
There are just too many things
To enter my mind
And much to my contention
My heart wins time after time
Because people give back
Unlike a book, a clean room, or a
a great productive day
I bind my own way
I shut some doors rather than
Allow them to open wide
Im afraid to get attached
To that happy|content feeling
Deep down inside
In a place no science
Can seem to pinpoint
Yet at times roars like a giant
Get up, go this way, NO ONE SAID STAY
So you gather your thoughts
wishing they’d all be gone
Then it got quiet
Right then, I knew I’d had it all wrong!
So many feelings and emotions
Fighting your strength
Focus on the now
Not any crazy notions of
How! How! How!
Come on, figure it out big girl
You’re on your own now